I Want You To Know Who I Am
by xLyss
Summary: The sixth chapter of their lives has closed and the last year is about to begin. Will James be able to get it together this year and finally make progress with the only girl he'll ever love? A James/Lily oneshot, songfiction. Review please!


And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now

"Goodbye, Evans-have a wonderful summer break"

Those were the last words I spoke to you, before we left for our final summer break away from Hogwarts. I'll never forget it, seeing as that moment was the last time we'd see each other before we came back and finished our last year at Hogwarts. It seemed like our 7th and final year had to be made the best of, yet I couldn't help feeling a sense of melancholy. Perhaps because it would be the last time I'd be with my friends before heading off into the 'real world', or maybe because it was the last time I'd ever see _you_-and I had barely even managed to budge your thoughts about me, I was barely even a friend to you. Yet, I still held some kind of hope.

I watched with longing as you ran off through the brick wall leading to King's Cross, your long red hair flowing out behind you.

Angelic perfection, nonetheless. With your porcelain skin and breath-taking emerald gaze, who couldn't agree less?

And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight

As I sit here in this empty, cold room, I can't help but reminisce and bring up memories of the past. One vivid memory that stands out is when I first kissed you. There's one thing that I should have told you-I never planned that kiss out as you accused me of doing when you slapped me across the face and ran off. Somehow, at that particular moment-when I believed we had somewhat made a connection, it all seemed natural…tilting your chin up and leaning in to press my lips against yours. It was pure bliss, but short-lived. I'd give anything to relive that moment again, to lock my gaze with yours and having an understanding connection. I know looking back on poignant memories such as that will trigger even longer periods of sadness, but I'd rather live in the moment of remembering and suffering from it, compared to pretending like none of those things happened.

Because, as memory serves, it _did_.

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

Reminiscing on memories of you brings up significant memories of my best friends-the Marauders. I chuckle softly to myself as I recall the countless times I've ever discussed, whined, or complained about you to my friends. They'd only brush me off, laughing at my 'petty feelings'-but they don't understand. I'm infatuated by you; I'm head-over-heels, madly-in-love with you-even if you don't feel the same way. Maybe if you saw the other side of me, the side that you refuse to see, you'll think otherwise. I'm not as cocky as you say I am, nor am I so full of myself-I have moments of humility and weakness, too. I'm not all that you may think I am, there are different parts of me that you haven't seen or experienced yet. If you only took the time to know the whole me, then maybe you'd think differently about just who you think I am.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
And you bleed just to know you're alive

I sigh and lie down on the bed, curling up in a small ball as a sense of emptiness begins to hollow itself out in my chest. A sense of aching then fills the emptiness and I yearn to cry out-but no sound comes out. I yearn to cry, but no tears will fall. The only cure is to have you nearby, but you're nowhere to be found. Maybe I'm just getting a little ahead of myself; maybe I'm delusional with the recent loss of my parents. But Merlin knows…I'm confused as I'll ever be about you. I can't stand the fact that you hate me, that you do everything in your power to distance yourself away-if you won't give _us_ a chance, won't you at least give _me_ a chance? I could prove wrong any assumptions or misconceptions you had about me, I can prove to you that I'm worth your time. You just need to give me the chance.

I just want you to know who I am

Won't you give the whole me a chance? I can show you just how much you mean to me and just how great I can be to you. I'm not who you think I am.

I just want you to know who I am

Give me one chance to prove myself to you-this last, final year is all I ask for. Please, don't distance yourself from me anymore, give me a chance.

I just want you to know who I am

I wrap arms around myself as I come to a decision. This last and final year left at Hogwarts, I will prove myself to you-I will show you that I can be who you want me to be and that whatever you thought of me before wasn't truly me. I'll prove to you just how worthy I am of your presence and show you just how much you mean to me. This last year, I'm going to give it my all and become better a better person-if only for your sake. You mean so much to me, I'm willing to give everything away if only to raise myself in your precious, emerald eyes. I love you, Lily Evans.


End file.
